Carla Bruni in Super Mario Land

Non, non, non. France is NOT Super Mario Land. Yes, Nicolas Sarkozy may be just as short as little Mario, which, coupled with an inclination towards bling already promotes unfair comparisons with Napoleon. And yes, he manoeuvres through life in a rather erratic way and keeps on getting into troubles, while he continues to jump'n'run, jump'n'run for no reason whatsoever, much like our beloved superhero. And indeed his son Jean Sarkozy is kind of similar to Mario's dinosaur Yoshi, which also explains the yet unresolved mystery as to why Jean was offered the position of a director in a large public company despite having 0 years of work experience and no university degree – In my opinion, Yoshi's charme more than compensates for such useless adornments.

And then there are all those evil “Koopa Troopas” (those are those turtle-like enemies of Mario that always have a grumpy look on their faces) style surrounding poor Sarko, who illegally stuff his pockets with 150 000 EUR even though he didn't even ask for it. But as we know, Super Mario usually is the least deterred of the grumpy mood evoked by his enemies.

Not to forget that after many years of jumping and running through many overworld levels – and apparently also through one or the other underworld level – Sarkozy did finally reach the Elysée Castle and shortly after found his current princess Carla Bruni – only to later on read in Wikipedia that Carla Bruni claims that all she wanted was a man with nuclear power. But if that is the case, why would France and Britain be considering joining their nuclear programs to save costs? Would Nicolas Sarkozy really risk his marriage if there were even the slightest grain of truth in Carla Bruni's clever marketing ploy? Or did Carla Bruni actually mean something else?

As a matter of fact, Super Mario does get kind of nuclear when he runs into this blinking star and starts glowing and blinking himself: as depicted in minutes 0.40 to 0.50 of the clip “Super Mario on Violin”:

Thus, Carla Bruni's statement on nuclear power is probably the least understood of all – she just wanted to say that she thinks it's kind of cute how her husband goes totally crazy the moment there is an audience around – in those moments, he totally falls in love with himself and completely forgets content and composure – as if he would be jumping around in a bright red flashy Super Mario plumber overall. You see, Carla herself secretly would like to escape from her aloof position of being a detached, unmoved model and popstar celebrity, however in public she never manages to break out of her self-imposed corset of coolness.

Given the unusual connection between two impersonal public images of themselves, the German “taz”-newspaper even ran a weekly series containing sarcastic make-believe diary entries of Carla expressing her endless heartfelt love for Nicolas.

To cut a long story short: Please give poor Sarko a break and refrain from comparing him with Super Mario – he really did not deserve it, and I would never make such an unwarranted comparison myself.

However, Carla Bruni's affection for the fellow Italian plumber Mario is not only reflected in her choice of husband – more importantly it is undeniable that the bridge of her magnificent 2003 song “Le toi du moi” seems to have been inspired by the bridge of the 1985 Super Mario Bros. Theme written by Koji Kondo:

Le toi du moi: Guitar solo bridge Min 2:00 – 2:11:

Super Mario Bros. Theme: Bridge Min 1:21 – 1:30:

Carla Bruni's apparent tribute to the perhaps most popular video game theme song of all times allows us to draw inferences about the future of her marriage – which is looking astonishingly good. First of all, note Carla's exquisite taste for retro-themes, as her tasteful combination of an iconic 1980s video game song with her french breathy voice proves. Note also how she bases her wardrobe on the iconic 1960s fashion ideas of Jacky Kennedy. Thus, it is rather straightforward to predict the next iconic retro-movement that Carla Bruni will discover for herself: why, of course Michelle Obama's passion for garden-work.

In a few years, you will be amazed to find Carla Bruni rearing Fire Flowers and Power-Up Mushrooms for her still restless Don Quixote sort-of husband, who never will cease searching for plush castles to concquer and she'll be laughing and understanding all his quirks like no one else in the world ever has nor will be able to.

Therefore, while the whole world secretly is betting on a divorce shortly after Sarkozy loses power (in a not-so-distant future, that is), I don't think that will happen – not even son Jean with that damn Yoshi-the-cute-little-dinosaur-charme of his is a serious threat. It doesn't matter that in an earlier level, Carla left poor Jean-Paul Enthoven for his son Raphael (be grateful – otherwise the song would be called “Jean-Paul”!).

Instead, be surprised to find all of the extended families of Bruni and Sarkozy happily united in front of a 1985 retro video console in a room decorated with homegrown fireflowers. Carla Bruni will be explaining the allegorical wisdom of video games to Nicolas and Jean: Even if you're president, it's okay to view the world as if there is no such thing as a real game-over, because there always is a 1-up extra life looming somewhere if you just greedily collect enough coins during your senseless, restless, breathless, destructive run through all the levels of life. Also, being breathless makes your voice sound really good while singing. Even if the only people you find in your colorful world appear to be obnoxious monsters on the surface – you can always uncover the beauty in them if you're willing to put in the effort (just think of all of Carla's lovers!). Be hopeful: You never know when you'll bounce your head against an invisible brick in the air containing a liane that warps you a level up in life! Finally, stop blaming yourself for being time-inconsistent across levels. Check out her emphatic “L'amour? – Non. Non. – Non!” in the first 7 seconds of this clip from an earlier level that only seemingly contradicts her subsequent marriage:

If you follow Carla's advice, you may even manage to complete all levels of Super Mario Bros. in 5 minutes:

Have a super week,

Eric

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